You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
