Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
