the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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