the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
