well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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