hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
