my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
