so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
