Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
