you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
