kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
