my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize