she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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