i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize