oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
