wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
should my penis look like a turkey
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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