I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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