I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Randomize
