see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
