Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
