He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Your cock deserves a montage
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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