I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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