just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Let's get the cat blown out
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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