My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Randomize
