So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
She announced her abortion via fbk
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
