gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
