Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize