Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
