Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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