dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
