wakey wakey hands off snakey
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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