I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
