My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
