I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
