so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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