I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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