Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize