So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
