so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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