Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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