My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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