Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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