tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
