so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
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