I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
