I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
