im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Sext me about skeletons
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
