she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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