If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
