It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
