I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize