you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
