just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
