two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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