Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
