I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
they're like a gay fantastic four
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
