so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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