My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
i've created a new STD.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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