If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Found your dick twin last night
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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