He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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