the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I am naked and annoyed.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
