Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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