I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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