your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
