last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
