Got a toothbrush?
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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