I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize