Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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