I'm gonna have a badass scar
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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