I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
