I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
