i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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