did you get engaged???
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Randomize
